Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Is this what mercy looks like...?...another fencing lesson (Oct 28, 2008)


Sunday was a bad fencing day.
I arrived to the in-house tournament completely exhausted and not just a little stressed from the disaster simulation on Saturday.

I did fairly well emotionally up until my last bout.
I lost that bout. Horribly so. I was so tired I could not think and that made me angry with myself.
And, well, I threw my mask on the floor afterwards.
Not so hard that I thought anyone would notice, but still.


I walked away from the strip and cooled off.
Then I heard Kelly's voice calling me over.
Oblivious as to why I walked over.

It quickly came to light that Kelly had seen me throw my mask.
But she didn't yell at me.
She didn't even raise her voice.
She explained to me what she saw, why it was wrong and I hung my head totally ashamed.
I looked up and said, sincerely, "I am so sorry".
I was in the wrong, I deserved to be fussed at, and I said so.

All Kelly said was "It's ok."

Today is Tuesday. For the past 48 hrs I have been beating myself up.
Now I hear someone on a piano singing "thank you for your kindness, thank you for your mercy"
and it hits me.....oh my gosh.....it was mercy that Kelly showed me.
I blew it, I was wrong, I deserved to be throughly chastised and all she said was "it's ok" and I was forgiven.

I am weeping as I write this.
I have never had any room for mercy for myself anymore that I have ever had patience.
I did not even have room for GOD to have mercy for me.

But, now, once again, in Kelly, I have seen God.
I have seen mercy.
I deserved judgment but she handed me mercy.

Is this what God is like????

I'm suspecting maybe so.....
And, oh, what a relief that would be.
What freedom and rest would be in that reality.

Oh please let it be true.....

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