Yes, Kelly, with Authority

There's a look in my eye that I remember from times long gone.
Confidence. Strength. Assuredness. Authority. Calculated, no less.

Yes, I remember.
But I had forgotten.
Or maybe....well, maybe....I quit on it.
No, I think I set it aside because it was no longer appropriate.
Hm. Both.

Yes, it's not that I cannot be decisive and in full command.
It's that right now the authority is not mine.
I know what I am capable of.
It just hasn't been the time or the place.

But, also, I had forgotten.

At least until this past Wednesday night.

How does Kelly do it?
I swear.
It's so jolting, these bolts out of the blue, and thus so deeply impacting.

A simple fencing drill.
We are laughing, cutting up, having a good time as we are wont to do on occasion.
Then Kelly looks at me and says I need to have authority..."take my blade with authority"...
What the heck?
(Hello, out of nowhere.)
It jolted me for an instant and has not left me since.

Authority.
Geez. First it was cockiness, now it's authority.
Yes, I hear. Yes, I understand.
I cannot explain it but it went through my soul like a knife through hot butter.
I absolutely must learn to walk in authority again.
It's true.

But, where?
It's not my place to do so in the fencing center.
I am not in charge, Kelly is.
I have bowed to that, maybe too much, since I walked in the door.
But, if you cannot follow well, you cannot lead well.
At work I have the same paradox.

Hm.

Maybe it's an internal thing.
A paradigm shift that merely stands at the ready.

At any rate, it was a much needed word.
Yes, "cocky", as it were.
Moreso, authority.

And suddenly it may matter more than I realized.
Which I cannot expound on via internet.

I think I'll go out and rent Mission Impossible......