Caribbean Blue

I'm reading a book entitled Blue Like Jazz.
Blue.
Blue is deep.
Like the Caribbean when you're out to sea.
Caribbean Blue.
Fathomless.
Anything of depth and excitement is blue.
I like blue.
Alot.

I was working on someone's transcript the other day.
She got an "F" in her "Excellencies of Christ" class.
I know this person. She's a friend of mine.
Most of you would know her too.
And right now she's in Africa.
She prays and God raises people from the dead.
No, for real.
And she got an "F" in a Bible College class.
Cool.
I thought....it's true.....it's not the head knowledge but the heart knowledge.
She knows God.
And she therefore walks in her calling.
So what if her ability to pass a class was up to par or not.
Our identity is not in our ability to accomplish.
It's in Who we know and His ability to accomplish through us.
Partnering with Jesus.
Caribbean Blue.

Granted the dead are not raised when I pray.
Not even the mouse in NC that I prayed for.
My shadow does not heal anyone when I walk by.
Maybe that's not my calling.
Maybe it will be.
Either way it's ok.
My identity is not in what I know. Nor can in be in what I do.
Or cannot do.
What is needed is to know God. With the heart. Relationship. Real relationship.
Caribbean Blue.

I am in the place I am called to be.
I am doing the very thing I have been asked to do.
I fence. I work so I can fence. I love.
I fence well one day. Not so well the next.
Work is stressful today. Tomorrow it's good.
I am the prefect friend today. I do something idiotic tomorrow.
Life is rich and full and overflowing.
It is abundant.
It's growing and stretching and becoming.
It is not prefect. I am not perfect. It's a journey of growth.
I am not suggesting I stay where I am.
I am suggesting that I remain fully human while reaching for the fullness of my humanity.
Growth.
The now and not yet colliding in my soul.
Working it out in exaltation with trembling.
Caribbean Blue.

I think about pride.
Thinking too highly of yourself.
But also thinking too lowly of yourself.
Self-absorption is a killer.
Not that we should never take ourselves in hand.
We should. Otherwise we won't grow and continue to reach for our fullness.
But, as Kelly taught me, there is mercy to be had for oneself.
There is also a re-calibration. Better if it's quick.
Sometimes there is healing and it's a bit longer.
But to be fully alive and fully human is, not to never focus on the self, but to move past the absorption part.

Caribbean Blue.